02 April 2007

The Least Funy April Fool's Ever

Susan over at How Can I Keep from Singing? tells the gutwrenching story of when her son Nathan was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma four years ago. She summarizes her feelings:

I am so very grateful for these four precious years! They have been filled with terrible things, but mostly, they have been witness to a toddler growing up into a school-aged boy and I am so thankful we have gotten to see that happen.

I can't put into words how much I wish that this anniversary could be joyous, that Nathan was cancer-free, but I am full of joy that Nathan is here today. I am listening to him sing as I type this. He is happy and so am I.
I think about Nathan every day. I remember vividly when she called me (we are old friends) about Nathan's swollen eye, and I still harbor some irrational guilt that I too thought it was just a viral conjunctivitis. I saw a three-year-old in the ER yesterday who was complaining of nontraumatic hip and knee pain and I immediately thought about Nathan. I routinely weep when I read Susan's blog, as well as Luke's (Nathan's Dad). What else is there to do?

Thanks for sharing, Susan.


  1. Focus on the irrationality of that guilt. I suppose phone diagnosis is tough business, and everything thought it was viral. And why not? Despite the tendency to suspect the obvious and normal, we were lucky to get a pretty quick diagnosis.

    Thanks for the support, my friend.

  2. I'm so sorry - what sadness. But I followed your links to Susan and Luke's blogs, and they write with such abiding love for all of their children and each other that I think that their lives are rich. Chronos is the biggest fear - or rather, the lack thereof. So my wish for them is to be able to live in Kairos - transcendent time which doesn't rely on a clock or a calendar.

    And how could you have known: it looked like a banana.... Tolerating ambiguity and human limits is so difficult.

    You've stayed in touch and have been with them, and that is what is important. Thank you for writing this post and for sharing a matter of great import.


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