04 December 2009

The Onion Health Report

LOS ANGELES—A report published Monday in The New England Journal of Medicine warns that the nation's obesity epidemic has reached a new level of crisis, with many overweight Americans' increased girth rendering them physically unable to end their own, fat lives.

"We've known for some time that obesity can cause heart disease, diabetes, strokes, and other potentially life-threatening illnesses," said report author Dr. Marjorie Reese, director of UCLA's Obesity Pathology Clinic. "But the fact that obesity impedes suicide is truly troubling. It appears that the more reason people have to die, the less capable they are of doing so. They are literally trapped in their grotesque, blubbery bodies."


It goes on quite a while, in spectacular detail. Click the link for the full story. Hysterical, and as they usually do, the geniuses at The Onion hit pretty close to home.


  1. I don't understand why this is funny. Are they trying to lampoon something, and if so, what?

    As it is, it reads like a mean-spirited attack on fat people, which stopped being funny around the time I turned 12.

  2. Clearly we're looking at this from different perspectives, and if you're inclinced to take offense at it that is your perogative.

    My perspective is that this is not about making fun of fat people as it is making fun of obesity itself. Certainly that's a fine distinction, and again I don't fault someone for seeing it the other way. I'll go a step further: I hate obesity. It's awful. It's a malignant condition that causes untold misery and death. It also makes my job a hell of a lot harder and more unpleasant. I don't hate fat people, but I do hate obesity.

    Also, I should point out that The Onion is famous for its use of black humor. Read this. Or this. Are they making fun of cancer patients? Are they making fun of orphaned children? Hysterical, amIright? I like black humor and I don't apologize for it. If it's not for you, then it's not for you.

  3. I'm not offended, and I'm not attacking you or asking you to apologize. I like black humor too, which is why it's confusing that this supposedly funny article, isn't.

    I think this sort of thing needs to be looked at in context. People with cancer don't tend to be on the receiving end of much scorn, so it's easy to joke about related topics without fear that it will come off as attacking cancer patients. But there are enough dicks who mock fat people that it's easy to get mistaken for one when one treads a fine line like this article does.

    Anyways, that's my 2 cents, I'll sign off before the trolls show up.

  4. I had to read this a few times to figure out it was a joke.


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