17 September 2008

How to Annoy an Anesthesiologist

I had a minor surgical procedure today (I'm just fine, thank you). As usual, when I am incognito, I can't help tweaking the medical professionals just a bit. And since this was the outpatient surgical center, nobody knew I was a doctor. So I had a pleasant time chatting with the nurses and receptionists, they brought me back and got me prepped and hooked up. We chatted a bit about the news of the day. And then the anesthesiologist came in to do his pre-op bit, and going through his routine rapid-fire questions.

"We're going to be giving you an antibiotic in your IV. It's called Ancef. You're not allergic to anything, are you?"
"No." (He starts the IV running. After a moment, I "remember") "Though once I had anaphylaxis to Kefzol." (He nearly knocks me over lunging to shut the IV off.)
"Did you take any medications this morning?"
"No. Well, only my coumadin."
"Why are you on coumadin?"
"I don't know. They never told me."

Rolling down the hall to the OR my stomach growled audibly. I groaned a little and rubbed my stomach. "Man, I shouldn't have had so many waffles."

As they positioned me on the table and I started feeling a little light-headed from the Fentanyl I told him, "I was told once I might have myasthenia gravis. I hope that's not a problem for you."

As I drifted off to sleep I told him I was going to be really pissed if I woke up with a colostomy. (I was not going in for an abdominal procedure.)

Fortunately, he had me figured out pretty quick. Which was good because I didn't actually want to get my case canceled. I really should be more careful, though, because payback can be a bitch. When I woke up I half-expected to see a faux colostomy bag taped to my belly.

To paraphrase Patrick O'Brien, nobody has ever taken so much pleasure from so very very little wit as I do.

(originally posted March 2007. I got nothing today.)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

haha thanks for that; very funny!

Cynic said...

LOL, you are worse than me!

Told the CRNA before my last scope that I was allergic to naloxone. You got me beat.

nikkik said...

we get the coumadin one from real patients all the time.
"are you on any medications on a daily basis?"
"No."
Then we, for example, anesthetize to take out a tooth.
"Will this be a problem with my coumadin?"

Jude said...

My dad had chronic lymphocytic leukemia. He frequently joked about "my fatal disease" because that was just his personality. In the first 12 years after his diagnosis, he only went to a doctor when he suffered an injury on the job. One time, for some reason, they took a blood test. He hadn't bothered to mention that he had leukemia, and they thought they were breaking the news to him. He said they solemnly told him his white cell count and started to explain what that meant when he cut them off with, "Well, that's a little lower than the last time I was checked." He delighted in telling that story.

Rogue Medic said...

No epinephrine allergy?

Oxygen allergy?

It depends on the people you are dealing with, but if they are not picking up on the humor, unless they are just groaning, maybe you should get the procedure cancelled.

They could have taped one of the big red waste bags to your side, or gone to a pet store, bought a goldfish and put that in a bag taped to your side.

make mine trauma said...

That's pretty funny.

integrativepsychiatry said...

hahahahahahahahha!