12 May 2007

The Way Dogs Think

Oh My God, I have been there. I so understand this. It also made me laugh more than anything else today. (h/t Orac)

Dog: I am starving.
Me: Actually, no. You aren't starving. You get two very good meals a day. And treats. And Best Beloved fed you extra food while I was gone.
Dog: STARVING.
Me: I saw you get fed not four hours ago! You are not starving.
Dog: Pity me, a sad and tragic creature, for I can barely walk, I am so starving. WOE.
Me: I am now ignoring you.
Dog: STARVING.
Dog: Did you hear me? I am starving.
Dog: Are you seriously ignoring me? Fine.

[There is a pause, during which the dog exits the room in a pointed manner.]

[From the kitchen, there comes a noise like someone is eating a baseball bat.]

Me, yelling: What the hell are you doing?
Me: *makes haste for the kitchen and finds dog there*
Dog: *picks up entire raw sweet potato, which is what was causing the baseball bat noise, and flees for the bedroom*
Me: *chases dog, retrieves most of sweet potato, less the portion which has disappeared into dog's gullet*
Dog: See? STARVING.
Me: ...That can't be good for you. It's a RAW SWEET POTATO.
Dog: I had to do it. I haven't been fed. Ever.
Full Text Here.

11 comments:

  1. If you substitute 18 month old scavenging child for the dog - you know what it is like in my house.

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  2. I have a kitten that does this exact routine, except you need to substitute "sweet potato" for "shirt."

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  3. That sounds SO much like my dog!

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  4. Oh God, I haven't laughed so hard in a long, long time. I have a portly black lab who does the same routine, it was like some fabulously funny writer spent an afternoon here.

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  5. My three cats are JUST like this. Our kitten even eats yams -- also zucchini (although he does prefer chicken).

    I have a friend whose dog FAKED AN INJURY IN ANOTHER ROOM -- y'know, like mother birds who'll limp and flutter in the road to lure predators away from their nests? -- to gain access to a broiled chicken.

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  6. The way cats think:

    cat) I'm hungry.
    human) Hey kitty, want some snacks?
    cat) Is someone talking?
    human) Here ya o kitty kitty kitty
    cat) What is that noise? Oh, a human. They are so annoying. I am going to get something to eat.
    human) What's wrong kitty? Not hungry?
    cat) Pathetic...

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  7. I hear ya. This weekend our beagle took advantage of some carelessness on the human side, ripped open a new bag of dog food, and ate 1/3 of it. 1/3! And then pooped in the kitchen, because there WASN'T ROOM INSIDE HER TO CONTAIN ALL THAT FOOD. She ate almost half her body weight in doggy chow! And then spent the rest of the evening waddling around like a sausage and pouting because we didn't give her dinner.

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  8. That's darn funny, Doc. AND it's so true. My dogs and cats think the same way.

    MJ

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  9. That is definetly dog behaviour. Except my dog is a chocolate addict :/

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  10. Hilarious. But don't give my dog any ideas about raw sweet potatos. Last winter he knocked a cooling rack holding about a dozen cookies off the counter. He ate them, and then didn't even have the grace to look apologetic.

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  11. I don't think I've ever read a blog before, much less commented on one. But, wanted to let you know that RAW sweet potato is not unhealthy for you dog. Please look into the RAW or BARF diet, for canines that is. I think you will find that it will help your dog with its hunger issues, as well as allergies, boredom, and other common maladies of pets.

    Ericka in Memphis with lots of RAW fed dogs who eat raw sweet potatoes:)

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