Fear not, readers, I have not gone off-line, like so many of our brethren. I have not been posting because my domestic tranquility has been shattered, which has left me with little time or energy to blog. Indeed I have barely even looked at my email, so if I have not replied to yours, I apologize.
You see, we are moving. My Beloved Wife went house-hunting with a new colleague, Patrick, who is moving up from California to join our group. She came home to me, and the following conversation ensued:
"Shadowfax," says she, "I've found us the perfect house!"
"But Beloved," I respond, perplexed and alarmed, "I thought it was Patrick who was shopping for a house"
"Yes, but I've found the perfect house for us!" (She is very excited.)
"We already have a house."
"Yes, but you are going to love this house."
"I love the house we are living in now."
"No, you're really going to love this house."
"Oh, I see."
I think she pulled some sort of jedi mind trick on me.
So we are moving to a nicer and needlessly luxurious house (how many sinks does one really need?) and we are currently in the throes of getting our current place ready for market -- new roof, refinish the hardwood floors, millwork, carpet, paint, countertops, etc. The place is a disaster zone, and leaving for work is a blessed respite from the chaos that is my home life. In fairness, the new place will be lovely, if I survive the moving process to get there. But in the meantime I toil from dawn to dusk either in the ED or the construction site that was our home. (And it should be noted that The Beloved Wife is working twice as hard as I am with the move and full-time wrangling of two rambunctious boys.)
So as partial compensation for my infrequent blogging, I offer you this, the BEST and MOST AWESOME chief complaint ever, seen in our ED quite recently:
I kid you not. I will leave the details to your imagination as in reality they are prosaic and quite detract from the sublime wonderfulness of the simple fact that someone came to our suburban, North American ER with a Chief Complaint of
I am a simple-minded man. This gives me great pleasure. Monkeys are comedy gold. For the rest of the shift I had a smile on my face. I love my job.