30 July 2006

Punting

Number one rule of blogging: When your muse fails you, publish some jokes.


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You know it's going to be a bad day in the ER when...

The paramedics in the parking lot are all using mops to clean up their ambulances and the EMTs are using a hose.

You show up for work and notice bars have just been installed on all the windows and there is now a metal detector at the hospital entrance.

It's the first day for the new medical interns, paramedic and nursing students all at the same time.

The off-going shift has a hard time keeping a straight face when giving report, especially about Room 15.

Your next five patients and their families all scream at you in different languages, none of which you speak.

Your next patient screams at you in a language you do understand, but you can't remember hearing that many obscenities strung together at once.

Your next patient has maggots but isn't dead.

The intoxicated 275 lb. transvestite in Room 15 keeps trying to get your home phone number because you "are just too sweet."

The hospital's attorney wants to talk to you but her secretary won't tell you what it's about.

The hospital has a surprise disaster drill. You were the only one who wasn't tipped off.

Your first patient of the day insists there is no way that she can be pregnant. She's crowning.

The Department is completely empty and one of the off-going shift says, "It's been that way all night, hope you have a quiet day!"

You have writers' cramp and still have 7 hours of the shift left.

In the middle of a disaster drill two real trauma patients present themselves.

The psychiatric patient who thinks he is Jesus was placed in the same room as another patient who thinks he is Satan.

No one remembered to buy coffee.

The paramedics who offered to go out and pick up lunch (and coffee) just advised over the radio they have witnessed a motor vehicle accident involving a transit bus versus a minivan. "Stand by for update."

You get a subpoena for a lawsuit a on a patient that walked out of the department against medical advice two years ago. You can only hope that is what the attorney wants to talk about.

The Hospital Administrator left you a cryptic message about a news crew showing up "sometime today to do a little filming, so everyone act natural."

The psychiatric patient's delusions are beginning to make sense.

The paramedics tell you the patient you just received with a closed head injury, flail chest, and positive belly tap is in "much better shape than the one still being cut out of the minivan."

2 comments:

  1. started out funny but got quite grim towards the end :P

    TGL

    ReplyDelete